Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Curse

     To my knowledge, my wife's family never crossed paths with an evil Gypsy fortune teller. They don't have a history of witch burning or whatever else it is that causes people to fall victims to a curse. But, logic aside, my in-laws certainly appear to be affected by what the family calls (cue the spooky music) ... The Curse.
    Granted, it's a mild curse. It doesn't involve warts and boils appearing in strange places or true loves being kept apart. No, this particular curse manifests itself as a variation of Murphy's law: If anything can go wrong, it will. Except, in this case, it applies mostly to decision-making.
     Say, for example, you're trying to decide which grocery check-out line to queue up in. One of them has just a couple of people waiting, while the other line is much longer. The Curse mandates that if you choose the shorter line, there will be an issue that causes you more of a delay than you would have had if you had chosen the longer line.
     Conversely, if you acknowledge The Curse and choose the longer line, there will be absolutely no problem in the short line. In fact, that line will begin to move so fast that shoppers who weren't even in the store when you got in the longer line will be checked out ahead of you.
     Apparently, once upon a time, someone (maybe a leprechaun) said to one of my wife's ancestors, "I curse thee, so that whatever decision thee and all thine progeny shall make, it shall be the WRONG decision."
     Piffle, you say? Superstition? I would have said the same thing until I saw The Curse in action.
     Just last week, my wife had a doctor's appointment where she was scheduled to get a shot. The medicine in the shot was being delivered specifically to her doctor's office on that specific day, specifically for her. She was there on time. The doctor was ready. The medicine got delivered to the right building - but the wrong office. It was turned away by that office and went back on the truck. My wife then cursed The Curse and spent the bulk of her day tracking down the package to get it re-delivered.
    Our kids became aware of The Curse earlier this month when they had a choice of going on a river cruise or seeing an IMAX movie.  They chose the dinner cruise, and thereby suffered the consequences of The Curse. The food was awful, the entertainment was worse and they spent two hours trying not to throw up from motion sickness.
     One said, "We should've just seen the movie." But that's because she didn't realize the power of The Curse. Had we decided to watch the movie, something would have gone awry anyway. That's how it works. If your choice is either A or B, whichever one you choose will be the wrong choice.
     So if you decide to hang out with my wife, or more to the point, if she chooses to hang out with you, be aware that The Curse will follow.