Sunday, February 22, 2015

On This Date In History

     I’ve been pondering for some time now what, if anything, is appropriate to give my spouse on the occasion of a landmark birthday she has coming up.  You’ll note in the above sentence that I don’t make mention of the specific landmark because I’m still not sure she wants the world to know her exact age.  I’ll give you a hint, though. On the day that she was born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true. Also, Jimmy Page put out his first solo  single . It was called “She Just Satisfies,” and while it may not have been specifically about my beloved,  the title is an apt description.
     It’s also fair to say that she has always loved playing games with people who ask how old she is.  When our kids were younger, she would just lie to them whenever they asked, changing the specific age used in the lie to a different number each time. She had them convinced for a brief time that she was in her early twenties.  I ruined that charade by telling the kids the truth about how long we had been married.  Once they could do simple math, it occurred to them that most women don’t get married when they are eight years old. 
     I don’t think my beloved particular cares that the kids know her age, but she is coy when talking about the subject with others. My wife, you see, is blessed with beautiful, porcelain skin, which belies her true age. That perfection is most obvious when she’s standing next to her friends from high school and college. They look their age. She doesn’t. And she enjoys imagining that people think of me as a cradle robber because I, too, look my age.
     That may explain why I found it humorous when we were dining out with some younger friends one time and the waitress made the incorrect assumption that we were the parents of that young couple. And then there was the time at a school function with our actual children where a teacher started to instruct the parents about what to do, but paused momentarily as she looked at us and added … “or grandparents.”
     So, again, what, if anything, should I get to mark the special occasion birthday this year? I have considered some sort of, ahem, “golden” trinket, but that may hit too close to home.  I’ve also considered that the gift of my presence should be enough, but we all know that won’t fly. The most important thing, I suppose, is to keep my mouth shut. Because grumpy old women hold grudges. Or so I've heard.